The countdown is on!

I leave for Italy in 10 days. WOW!! Christmas shopping is done, Practicum is done, all that is left are the holidays and any remaining Italy preparations. It has been an emotional roller coaster getting everything ready, and in some ways I really just can't wait for it to all be done. As part of the preparations I've revived Cobblestone Chronicles. So I am not totally sure how this is going to work. Should I blog on both? Or just stick to my travel blog? What are your thoughts on this?

The time is near!

Have you ever experienced a moment where you need to stop and remind yourself to breathe?

Life is crazy busy. Good. But busy.

My ongoing to-do list leaves an anxious knot churning in my stomach, but it sure feels good to check things off my list!

The remainder of this update basically falls under three categories: Practicum. Social Life. Italy Preparations.

Practicum

Spending my days teaching is so much more fulfilling than sitting in university classes. Mentally exhausting? Yes. A lot of work? Yes. A huge learning experience? Yes. Worth it? YES. As I had hoped, this experience has been a confirmation that I am in the right career path. I'm definitely making mistakes (and hopefully learning from them), but I'm loving every second. Heading into teaching I had always thought I would want to teach high school, and never junior high. Now, however, I definitely feel the pull towards junior high. What an interesting age group! Granted, I hated junior high. But it is much more fun when you are the teacher! Chemistry is a lot of fun to teach, and I've learned that there is a LOT of prep work that goes into everything that teachers do. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I've also learned that when I forget something, stressing over it makes me slightly crazy. I have awesome mentor teachers who provide me with really good feedback, and overall the experience has just been really good. I finish December 17, and I know I will breathe a huge sigh of relief when it is over. But I also know I'm going to miss these kids and teachers.

Social Life

M & C - the two sides of my triangle - are insanely busy with school, since they are both trying to graduate this year. Add that to the fact that I'm not at the University right now, but rather in Spruce Grove, and it isn't surprising we don't see each other much. A further complication is the limited amount of free time I seem to have with all this planning/prep for my practicum. On the flip side, most of my free time seems to be spent with J. A certain somebody that I seem to like... a lot. And for some strange reason he seems to like me back. Curious to see where this is going to go with time. God is at the wheel of our lives and our relationship, so I can hardly wait to see what is in store for us!

Snowboarding season is finally upon us! Hoping to get to the mountains once (maybe twice)... before I give up my season for Italy.

Italy Preparations

Flights booked? Check. Leaving Jan 1st, returning Apr 4th. Insurance in place? Check. Funds in place? Check. Allow me to elaborate on this one. I have been really stressed about having enough money to relax while I am away, so I applied for a few scholarships. 1st one - a discount on my accommodations while I am gone, based on financial need. 2nd one - actually not a scholarship, I appealed my loan to get a bit more money. 3rd one - I forgot about it. I applied wayyy back in September, never thinking I had a shot. 1st one - Check! $1000 off my accommodations. Following this one I examined my situation and figured I needed about $1500 to make it through. 2nd one - Loans informed me they could give me ~$500 more. 3rd one - What a lovely surprise email informing me that I was receiving a $1000 scholarship. Necessary $1500? Check. Praise God! He seems to know exactly what we need, and when we trust that He will provide... He does.

After Dec. 17, when I no longer have to worry about practicum, the final details will begin to fall into place. Packing and tying off loose ends. This is going to be an adventure of a lifetime! Now, about leaving J behind. God is at the wheel, and if this relationship is something He wants for us... I know we will make it through. This doesn't mean I'm not going to miss him... a lot. Nor does it mean it will be easy. But it does mean that when I come home... that moment will be awesome.

Nervous, Excited and Anxious!

Nervous

- Finals this week and next week! I am almost done my last assignment, and only have two more days of classes. So close I can almost taste it!

- I'm teaching the "Matter and Chemical Change" Unit at Greystone Centennial Middle School, come November 15th

- I'm applying for an Schengen Visa (basically a Europe visa), and I NEED to get that application moving. Part of it is an interview, and interviews make me nervous...

- I'm applying for a bursary from the university to help with finances for Italy, and it also has an interview component...

- I leave for Italy in 2 months... and I will be gone three months! I have never spent that much time away from my family before.

Excited

- I can't wait to be done with finals, and spend more time in the classroom! So far, being in that Grade 9 class has been a real affirmation for me that I am heading in the right direction, career-wise.

- I leave for Italy in 2 months! I can hardly wait to immerse myself in the culture of Cortona!

- Flights are booked, I have travel insurance in place... almost ready!

- I found out that I do NOT have to quit my job while I am away. It just makes those preparations easier and more convenient... both for me and my boss.

- Looking forward to a few weeks off from school between semesters, spending time with a certain somebody and prepping for Italy!

- Josh, Colin and I went to the Ski and Snowboard Show this past weekend, I can NOT wait to shred some powder... come on winter!

Anxious

- There is so much to be done before I leave, just little things... but it is overwhelming!

- Finals always make me anxious, I just want them to be over with already!

- Teaching on my own... eep!

- I leave for Italy in 2 months! I am growing very fond of a certain somebody, and I'm not looking forward to being gone for three months... but the return home will be that much better!

- Finances will be tight, it makes me very anxious not knowing how everything will work out. I am trusting God to help things fall into place, it will all work out in the end.

Tagged...

So I probably should be doing homework right now.

Keyword is should.

But I was tagged in More from Second Street and I feel quite compelled to respond! The idea is that I now have to answer her questions, and then tag more people and have them answer mine! However, I don't actually have a lot of blogs that I follow, so the second half is going to be skipped. Sorry!

1. Who do people say you look more like, your mom or your dad?

Well, I don't really look like either side of the family. Sometimes I joke that I am adopted. But the similarities that ARE there point to my Dad's side.

2. If you were given an exorbitant amount of money and were told you had to spend it all in one place immediately, what would you do with it?

The caveat here for me is the all in one place. Hmmm. Pay off loans? Travel Agent? Mini Cooper? Buy a house? Build my dream house?

3. What was your favourite Christmas gift?

Last year my parents bought me new snowboard boots... that was pretty awesome. Definitely top 5 if not my favourite. I tend to forget exactly what was a birthday present and what was a Christmas present. Favourite all time gift? I got a Canon Rebel XS for my birthday last weekend and I'm in love with it.

4. If you could spend 6 months traveling any one country in the world, which one would it be?

Well, I DO get to spend 3 months traveling Italy... so I think I can't count that one. I would LOVE to travel the United Kingdom. Either Ireland or England would be awesome to spend 6 months in!

5. What is your least favourite household chore? Most favourite?

Least favourite: Probably cleaning the bathroom. Unfortunately, that one is specifically MY job at our house.

Most favourite: Probably cooking/baking - I don't even mind cleaning up afterwards if I'M the one who made the mess. I dislike cleaning up after someone else - when you have to clean up after yourself, you tend to clean up as you go. Know what I mean?

6. What is your strongest pet peeve?

People who probably shouldn't have their drivers license.

Or professors who are only hired to do research, and really shouldn't be standing up at the front of the room talking at you.

*Shudder*

7. Would you rather spend this coming weekend with your family, your friends, or alone?

Am I allowed to say family/friends? Or one specific person? I want to spend this weekend with JB. :)

8. If you had to choose one food to eat exclusively on a deserted island for the next year, what would it be and why?

Ignoring the nutritional value of only having ONE food in your diet... I'd probably have to say potatoes. However, that is only if I get to season them.... which I'm assuming you can't do on a deserted island. BAH! Most of my favourite foods need the seasoning/cooking! I'm gonna stick with my answer though... potatoes it is! Mmmmm

Footprints in the Sand

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to him and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints,

it was then that I carried you.

Life as we know it

Realizing that yet again I've neglected to keep you updated on the happenings around my side of the world...

Reasoning for this? I'm surprisingly busy! I don't know how I do this, but my plate is FULL this semester! First off, I'm doing my first practicum - called my IPT. This involves a condensed semester at the University, with interrelated assignments and endless readings, followed by a 5 week term in a high school placement. Whew!

Secondly, I have signed up as a PartyLite consultant and it's a bit hectic getting that business onto it's feet! I do enjoy it though, it is so flexible! As Rachael likes to put it, I'm getting paid to show off amazing product, meet new people and eat good food!

Third, I'm still working as a lifeguard at the LRC. Lifeguarding and teaching lessons - routine and easy. I love the people I work with and I love my job. Most days. All jobs have their ups and downs, and I'm always grateful that I have the job I do.

Fourth! I'm preparing to go to Italy next semester! There are a lot of preparations involved for studying overseas, and part of that is ensuring that my finances are in order. I can't wait to explore Europe again and immerse myself in the culture! I really hope to begin to gain an understanding of the Italian language as well. Preparations include: student loans, flights, orientation sessions, student visa applications, travel insurance, etc...

Lastly (but certainly not least important), I've been getting to know someone. This relationship has indeed taken off and I'm enjoying every minute of it! However, I'm not going to dish details all over my blog...but I thought I would insert that tidbit of information as it pertains to my busy life.

It is always hard to get back into the routine of a new semester at school, but once that routine is figured out it's much less stressful. Now it's making sure I have time for everything I have to do, and then things that I want to do. Wouldn't life be easier if those were the same things?

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On a completely different note, I'm planning to have an appetizer party for my 21st birthday with (hopefully) lots of people. But I need some more ideas for appetizers! Already on my list: Thai Ribs, Spinach & Artichoke dip, Chocolate Fondue (dessert), Stuffed baked potatoes, chili con queso, maybe wings....

Any other ideas? What is your all-time favourite appetizer?

Courtesy of Starfield

Hold me, somebody

Don't let me be alone

Love me, stay with me

I am dying to be known

My heart cries out

I need a Father

Who's love will never fail me

A friend like no other

Who's trusted arms will hold me

I need a Father

I am wounded

But I took the pain away

Free me, hear me

I don't want to be afraid

My heart cries out

I need a Father

Who's love will never fail me

A friend like no other

Who's trusted arms will hold me

Here's my heart

Be tender please

Let me know your love for me

Here's my heart

I'm on my knees

I will trust, 'cause I believe

You are my Father

Your love will never fail me

A friend like no other

Your trusted arms will hold me

You are my Father

I need a Father - Starfield

1 Peter 5: 5-10

When we go camping as a family we each try to pick a passage of scripture that means something to us and then memorize it. Now, I managed to find something that really spoke to me relating to where I am in my life. However, I can not say that I got it memorized. In any case, I thought I would share it with you now.

You younger men, accept the authority of the elders. And all of you, serve each other in humility, for

"God sets himself against the proud

but he shows favour to the humble."

So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in his good time he will honour you. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you. Be careful! Watch out for attacks from the Devil, your great enemy. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for some victim to devour. Take a firm stand against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are. In his kindness God called you to his eternal glory by means of Jesus Christ. After you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.

Dying to Self

I am still reading a book called "Healing is a Choice" by Stephen Arterburn. It has been a slow read because it has 10 decisions that I have to make along the journey. These decisions each take time - the healing process. Each decision is accompanied by a "big lie" that Satan gives us. The first decision was to make meaningful connections. (The lie was that we only needed ourselves and God). This one was hard for me because I've built up barriers to the world in an effort to protect myself. Even once I'd decided I wanted meaningful connections, I didn't know where to go or who to turn to. So I started with my Mom. I told her everything, things she knew and things she didn't. That was hard, but freeing. Since then I have been praying for God to help me make meaningful connections.

Secondly, I needed to make the decision to feel the pain. Remarkably, I had done this before. This was not a new concept, but then I realized that I'm hurting less over J, and more over M. So again, this is an ongoing process. The lie here is that "Real Christians should have real peace in all circumstances." Every Sunday our Pastor makes an invitation to the alter for prayer at the end of his sermon. I had felt the urge to go up a few times, but never found the courage to step forward. A few Sundays ago I felt the pull very strongly and went up. What a freeing feeling to share your pain and know you are prayed for!

I am still in the chapter of this second decision, and I've come across another concept that isn't all that new. Dying to Self: being willing to be uncomfortable for the good of others and the purposes of God. For the purposes of God. Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" (NLT) God has an amazing plan for my life, and when I let him take the wheel I can start to see evidence of that all around me.

So I am making the choice to heal, because I can hardly wait for what God has in store!

Same old, same old

I've got writers block. Well sort of. I've got things on my mind but I don't know how to articulate them onto here, or even if I should. I haven't blogged in ages, and I feel bad because I check back almost daily to see if any of you guys have updated your blogs. The other problem is that there really isn't anything new in my life! I get asked that question anytime I catch up with an old friend, or work with someone I haven't seen in a while. Even then I have no solid answer. "Oh you know, same old same old." The funny part is how true that is. But I want to blog. I want to tell you something new and exciting, or even give you a window into our lives. So lets see if I can muster up some news.

My good friend Stephanie May got married to her brave warrior Chad Vandermeulen this past Saturday. Engagement announcement here. They are just the beginning of many friends my age getting married, and I will still be single. Which is okay, I want to wait for my perfect match as patiently as possible.

Only a month left before I go back to school. Doing my first in class practicum this semester and I am really quite nervous. Sad that summer is almost over, but yet excited to change up the daily routine again.

I officially joined PartyLite as a consultant, and am slowly trying to build my business. It's exciting and frustrating all at the same time.

Getting excited for Cortona in January! The remainder of preparations won't happen until October or later, but I think I have the money portion prepared. Mom and I have also been planning (and dreaming) about our three week trip together after my semester is done. Right now it looks like we're doing London, Italy, Czech (Prague), Austria (Vienna), maybe Greece, maybe Turkey, maybe Germany. We're stuck between seeing as much as possible, and allowing time to spend extra days in our favourites.

There are other things going on in my life, but I'm not ready to blog about them at this point. If the timing becomes appropriate, you will know. If not, consider it unimportant. Funny though, I came up with more to talk about than I expected. Interesting how that sometimes happens isn't it?

Kittens make my world go round

I could sit outside for hours watching these guys play. Best part of Spring/Summer by far. The remarkable part of this year is watching how quickly they grow - and being able to see the difference each time a new batch of babies are born. I remember when the first batch was the size of the third batch. My how time flies.

On a side note, the last time I posted about kittens was last summer - when Ebony and Charlie were babies. Now they each have their own litter of kittens.

Flashback

I've been hesitant to share this, but after thinking about it for a few days...here it is. I found this on a loose piece of paper at the back of my journal. It is undated, but gathering from the contents, this was from shortly before my engagement ended. This reminds me how far I have come in the last two years, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like I've progressed at all.

Wide awake and miserable. Unable to cry, unable to rest. My weary heart wants to give in. Wanting two things, but knowing I can only have one. Knowing that to have one means to sacrifice the other, and yet unable to do so. Searching for answers and finding none. Alone, not quite at rock bottom, so unable to heal. Afraid that the perceived "right" isn't so right. Afraid to lose what the heart truly desires, but unsure exactly what that is. Afraid to confess any emotions for fear of rejection, but knowing no progress will come. Exhausted but unable to sleep. Wanting to tell him that his presence is intoxicating. Unable to do so because he is not my betrothed. Wanting to find rest in his arms, but unwilling to sacrifice integrity. Wanting to belong, but already given away. Calling for help with no response. Wishing for a straight answer and some relief. Wanting to know if I am truly alone in my turmoil. Wanting to know if he suffers the same. Afraid to lose. Afraid to be judged. Afraid to inflict pain on another. Desperately seeking peace. Frustrated that answers are wolves in sheep's clothing. Questions disguised as answers. Insecurity. Desperation. Weak from submission. Weak from resisting total submission. Why can't there be a break in the clouds?

Never Been Hurt? Not likely.

"Love as though you have never been hurt before"

I just wanted to ask if anybody actually knew how hard that is? Awesome quote, but it seems a bit unrealistic. I have trust issues, and I know that. But did you know that I think it is a good idea to give up dating? I mean, what is the point? You just get hurt. Here's my thoughts on this.

Dear Father God,

Please help me honour my decision to abstain from useless dating. I don't want a fling or a waste of time. I want to get to know people, make friends, know honourable men. I don't want to date them. I don't like to get hurt, so I don't like to risk getting hurt. I understand that I can't love if I don't risk, but I'm not ready to risk. I have come a long way from 2 years ago. It has not been an easy road. But I'm not ready to risk. So please help me honour my decision to abstain from useless dating. Allow my future husband to enter my life when the time is right, and let us be friends until we both know that by dating we have a chance at forever.

Amen

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Now by saying I want to abstain from useless dating, I am not demanding that the next man I date be the man I marry. Because while that thought is hopeful and lovely - it is also unrealistic and unreasonable. But if I am to date another man who will not be my husband, I hope that it brings me one step closer to meeting the man I AM supposed to marry.

Metaphors

I am a porcelain doll. Both physically and emotionally. My skin is a creamy white, never brown but never pasty. Porcelain. I am little and weak, I break easily. I pretend to be tough, but it doesn't take much to bring me down. I can't stand rejection. To be alone in a crowded room, even a crowded room of familiar faces, breaks me from the inside out. I like to feel nothing and I do my best to hide my true emotions.

I am a ticking time bomb. With a very short fuse. I explode quickly and violently. I care deeply and passionately, but I often hurt the ones I love. I get angry easily.

I am a kettle of boiling water. I simmer quietly and absorb hurt and pain, but boil over unexpectedly. By the time I boil over, I often forget why the kettle was turned on in the first place. I am prideful and I don't like people to see my pain. I have difficulty asking for help and I like to solve my own problems.

Round 2 with the hairbrush.

The note (see here) worked pretty good with two of my brothers. Well mostly with Branden. They all thought it was amusing, and I definitely saw an improvement. However, I was having a particular difficulty with simply helping Bryce remember. We would have a conversation, while he was brushing his hair, about putting the brush back in the drawer but by the time he finished he would have forgotten entirely. He says he has been remembering pretty good lately, so perhaps he's not the only one forgetting. Here is my new solution:

In case you can't tell what is happening in the above picture, I'll explain. That is my bathroom mirror + my re-discovery of window writers. "Dear Bryce, here is an illustration to help aid your understanding."

Anticipation (Pt. II)

I am anticipating my first kiss.

But not my first kiss ever.

Because I've already had that.

I am anticipating my first kiss.

My first kiss

With the man I am going to spend

The rest of my life with.

I won't know it then.

But that first kiss will be

The beginning to a lifetime.

Forever

It feels like it has been forever since I last posted, but I don't think I have anything to say. Maybe that's okay...

But in the name of doing a blog post anyways, here is a brief update on the happenings around here:

• I'm still working evenings at the pool, and I'm getting lonely. I see people at work, but that isn't the same as hanging out with friends and family and doing what you want to do
• I'm re-modeling my room. Well not totally. I'm spring cleaning, packing things into boxes that don't need to be in my crowded and cluttered room. And I'm moving furniture around to give it a new look.
• I got a second job at the outdoor pool in Leduc, but do to mechanical problems at the pool, I haven't actually started working yet.
• I'm considering becoming a PartyLite consultant. This would be a big step for me, and it makes me nervous. But it is really appealing, so I guess we'll wait and see.

And...that's all I got for now.

Epiphanies and the Subconscious

I was having a bit of an off-day today. It was just one of those days where I felt overtired, and in sort of the mood to sit in a corner all by myself and just sulk. I hate those days. I just feel so powerless to do anything about it. But I had an epiphany at work, amidst my sulking. Here it is: some people I met at one of the churches we tried, got engaged recently. They hadn't been dating long, but they are wonderful people. I also have no doubt from an outsiders perspective that they are perfect for each other. But something happens in my subconscious when I hear this sort of news...it just sets the day off on the wrong foot. It leaves me lonely and exhausted. I don't know what it is about hearing that other people have found their soulmate, but it makes me sad rather than happy. Happy for them, of course...but sad. In this moment, all I can really think of is that Michael Buble song on the radio right now: "Haven't met you yet". And so it is...I just haven't met him yet. But I have faith that he is out there, that I'm not allowed to meet him until both of us are ready, and that when we do meet...it will be amazing.

Oh where...is my hairbrush?

Hi, my name is Suzette. I am a hairbrush. I like to come out and explore the world outside the drawer. But I've discovered the world is a scary place, with your tools to burn hair into submission so that it hangs straight. *shudder* Or those powders and brushes that make a girls face look like a painted doll. But worst of all is what you do with that porcelain bowl. I don't want to know, see, or smell that. Nasty, disgusting stuff that is. So please, I beg of you, after you've taken me out to play, return me to my warm, safe drawer. Thank-you.

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Disclaimers note:

This is what happens after many failed attempts to remind the other users of my bathroom to put the hairbrush back in the drawer after they use it, rather than leaving it on the counter.

Update

You know how sometimes you really just don't know what to write about, and other times the words just flow like water? Can you guess where I'm at right now? I left you last time with a foul taste in your mouth as an idea for what my job can sometimes entail. I do feel the need to comment on how that is NOT my experience at work every day. Only once in a while - but it sure does leave an impact! Other days at work, such as ones where I spend a few hours in the water teaching swimming lessons, are great. Swimming lessons is: a half an hour with a bunch of kids that aren't yours, that will play with you, laugh with you, have a grand ol' time; and then you give them back. You sure get some cute little 5 year olds. Teaching is a rewarding experience, it really is. Over the years you get to see kids progress from learning to float, to learning the front crawl. With that said, teaching can be exhausting. You also deal with parents expecting you to work a miracle, and having a temper tantrum when you let them down. I guess this is a preview for when I finish university and go back to high school as a full time career. Can't wait!...?...!!

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On a completely different note, I got my final acceptance to Cortona! I handed in the necessary forms, paid my deposit, and am now registered in my courses! Here's what I am taking:

Topics in Roman Civilization: The Roman City

The Roman city was the symbol of the Roman Empire, of the diverse cultures and lands that the Romans conquered. Wherever the Romans conquered, they established cities. Modern cities are the legacy of the Roman city. The Roman city was a stamp of solidarity, unifying cultures and where Roman rule, law and institutions were honoured. The course concentrates on understanding how the Roman city developed. The evolution of the Roman city includes not just the physical layout and the architecture of the city, but also the institutions that public buildings housed and the private residences. Rome, Ostia and Pompeii are the focus of the study.

Topics in Roman Art: The Power of Beauty

A study of the way in which Greek art influenced the Roman world, particularly at the highest social levels. We will concentrate on architecture, painting and sculpture, and three central themes that we will explore are: a) Greek Italy: Greek art produced in Southern Italy and Sicily and its influence on the Etruscans and indigenous populations; b) Greece conquers Rome: a study of Greek art in Rome, copies vs originals, and the use of 'classicism'; c) Nostalgia for Greece: ancient works in new contexts, ancient and modern.

Conversational Italian

An introduction to Italian designed for non-native speakers who do not require the intensive study of grammar to complete degree requirements. This course will give you the basic skills to communicate effectively in your daily interactions and travel across Italy.

I am so unbelievably excited. Now to arrange the proper paperwork, travel arrangements, etc. Eeeek! So excited!

My job has it's downfalls

Censors Warning: The following blog post may contain mental images that are too disturbing for some viewers. Proceed at your own discretion.

I don't like milk. I don't know what it is about milk, but I just can't drink it. Unless of course it satisfies one of the two requirements: i) It was removed from the fridge and opened less than 2 minutes ago. OR ii) It has chocolate syrup in it. Otherwise, it gives me a nasty gag reflex that I can't seem to fight. So imagine when I open the fridge and discover sour milk. I never would have drank it, but now I have the responsibility to dispose of it. Oh the smell! I've had to do this at work a few times (cleaning out the fridge), and I can handle it. It's awful and almost unbearable, but I can handle it. Another thing at work that is awful and almost unbearable, is cleaning up faeces and/or vomit. From within the pool is one thing, but when it is on deck the putrid smell is overwhelming. At least when it is in the pool - as complicated as it can be to clean up - it doesn't smell. I just don't understand how people confuse a swimming pool with a toilet. They don't bear even the slightest resemblance to each other. And then you get the patrons who find it funny to take their faeces and smear it all over lockers and floor mats. I know, now you will never be able to go to a public pool again. Haha. Blegh!! The reason I am sharing all this lovely information with you, is because yesterday at work I got stuck with a situation that almost tops all charts. The reason I got stuck with it is because I was the closing supervisor, and there were no male staff on that evening. Ready for it?? We discovered some melted/rotten/decaying ice cream in one of the lockers in the male changing room. A few young patrons informed us that it had been there for three weeks already. Three weeks!?!? I'm still confused as to why no one informed us sooner. Anyways, the smell was...I'm sure you can imagine. But it was dry and crusted on, so it could have been worse. Well the fact that it was dry and crusted on means I had to pour boiling water onto it in order to clean it up. Do you know what happens when you pour hot water onto dry, crusting, rotting ice cream? That putrid smell amplifies 100-fold. I don't think I have ever been so close to vomiting - in any of those faeces/vomit/sour milk incidents. Anyways, next time you go to a public pool - if you can ever bear it again - please think of us poor lifeguards that have to clean up after you. Finish your ice cream before you come, or throw it in the garbage. It's going to melt in your locker before you come back for it, so don't bother. Use the washroom before you enter the pool, the pool is not a suitable substitute. Take your young children to the washroom before you enter the pool, they do not know the difference between a toilet and the corner of the pool. Do not feed your children within 10 minutes of entering the pool. They may get too excited and want to share their dessert with the other kids. Thank you for your consideration.

Happy 50th!

Well here we are, at 50 posts. When I first started blogging, I never thought I would make it this far. 50 is a lot. So lets see if I can accomplish what I set out to do a few posts ago. Kyra's happy list - 2010. In no particular order...

1. Snowboarding
2. Snowball fights
3. Spring rain
4. Sea urchins
5. Starfish
6. Wonderful family
7. Good friends
8. New friends
9. A warm bed to sleep in
10. Being done 3 years of university
11. Travelling Europe - past and present
12. Stuffed animals
13. Shopping
14. New clothes
15. Candles
16. Thunderstorms
17. Lightening
18. Hammocks
19. Camping
20. Sand castles
21. Campfires
22. S'mores
23. Buttery popcorn
24. Bubble baths
25. Squishing mud between your toes
26. Cameras
27. Black & White pictures
28. Newborn babies
29. Daisies
30. Wildflowers
31. Dancing
32. Pillow fights
33. Water fights
34. Iced tea
35. Ice cream
36. The ocean
37. Disneyland
38. Kittens & Puppies
39. Leia (my dog)
40. Sleeping in & Snooze buttons
41. Monkeys
42. New movies
43. New books
44. Pirates (of the caribbean)
45. Playing pool
46. Swimming
47. Work "Family"
48. Calvin & Hobbes comics
49. Haircuts
50. My Lord & Saviour - Jesus Christ

Well, there you have it. The 2010 version of Kyra's happy list!! I'm sure I could add to it, and these aren't necessarily the 50 things that make me most happy, but they sure do make me happy!

Friends

What is a friend? I looked up the definition at dictionary.com, and the typical response is: someone who you care about and cares about you, someone you have a lot in common with, someone you can trust, etc. But what about a best friend? This is someone who you care about and cares about you unconditionally, someone you can trust with all your hopes, dreams and secrets. I think sometimes we confuse best friend with favourite friend. Even someone who really is your best friend, may not always be your best friend. When your lives start to take different directions, will you always be best friends? Or will you now be just friends, and move on to new best friends with more similar lifestyles?

I had a best friend when I was young, then I had a new best friend when I moved to AB, then when I graduated I again, had a new best friend. I had a best friend when I got engaged, and a best friend when I got dumped. I had a best friend whom I travelled Europe with. Most of these best friends are different people. I am again faced with the dilemma of my best friends moving on to new and better things, and me getting left behind. I have one best friend who is getting married. I have two best friends who are graduating from University and/or moving out in the near future. I no longer know who is my best friend by definition. All of these best friends I still would call my closest friends, but I don't know who the friend is that I am supposed to trust with all my hopes, secrets and dreams. I don't know who the friend is that is going to be there no matter what. I don't know which friend I'm supposed to go to when I need a shoulder to cry on.

Maybe what God is trying to tell me is that there is no human being who is your best friend by definition. At least not permanently. From time to time there will be that special friend who fits the definition, but lifestyles change and people move on. But the only one who will be there through the good times and the bad, the only one who will be there even when you reject Him, the only one who will wait patiently for you to get your head on straight, is God.

School Achievement

People often comment on course load and subsequent grades. The normal course load is 5 classes per semester; the overachiever will do 6, maybe 7; and then someone who needs the extra time will do 3, maybe 4. There's also the philosophy that, by only doing 4 courses instead of 5, you can devote all that extra time to the 4 courses you have. I mean, why do average on 5 courses, if you can do excellent on 4 right? I will admit, you do have a lot more time to study when you only have 4 courses. But do you actually use that time for studying? Or do you spend the same amount of time on each subject as you would have before, and then use that extra time to do whatever you want?

I finally got all my grades back for this semester. This semester I did the full 5 courses, while in some past semesters I've done only 4. I was browsing my grades from previous semesters and here's what I noticed. In one semester while doing only 4, I received my first A. But! The other 3 were only B's and B-'s. In one semester while doing the full 5, I received two A-'s, but the rest were B's and B+'s. This semester, despite panicking from the stress load, and freaking out thinking I wasn't going to get high enough marks, I studied my butt off! And apparently my hard work paid off: 1 A-, 3B+, and 1B. Anyways, the trend I have noticed is that it is better to do the full 5, and actually use all that time for studying. I seem to do better when I have the full 5 courses. However, with the full 5, I may have my best semester, but I also have my worst. But hey, your very first semester at University never goes as good as you'd hoped...right?

Just when you thought

I thought I was strong

but really I'm weak

I thought I was brave

but found I'm a coward

I thought I had healed

but it never goes away

I thought I needed time

but time is never enough

I thought and I thought

and I thought

but I was wrong

My Happy List

Several years back, while visiting a friends house at lunch I noticed this book called the "Happy List". Inside was just a list of all sorts of things that helped bring a ray of sunshine into the author's day. A while later, I was have a hard time. I don't remember why, but I was down and depressed a lot. So I made myself a happy list. I've since put it away in my desk drawer, and forgotten about it. It came to mind yesterday and I thought maybe I would share it with you! It definitely helped bring a smile to my face in a time of need, and I encourage you to try it someday!

lightening, thunder, cellphones, ipods, tree-forts, hammocks, tree swings, sunsets, sunrises, stars, snowmobiling, sand castles, canoeing, leather couches, mascara, chocolate covered almonds, oreos dipped in peanut butter, car fresheners, brand name clothes, Jones soda, fuzzy sweaters, talking on the phone all night, dolphins, view from mountaintops, high school band trips, water fights, scavenger hunts, iced tea, snowball fights, snow angels, corvettes, fireplaces, hot chocolate, disneyland, the ocean, white water rafting, hot showers, bubble baths, waterfalls, rock walls, jellybellies, hockey, blue eyes, islands, squishing mud between your toes, God's love, my best friend, my boyfriend (at the time), friends in general, family, high school, graduating from high school, cars, swimming, snowboarding, mountains, sunglasses, dresses, sweatpants, chocolate, roses, daisies, springtime, summertime, fresh rain, the smell of rain, buttery popcorn, asparagus, chicken, ice cream, strawberry sundaes, ice cream on cold days!, teddy bears, Stitch (Lilo & Stitch), apple cider, sleep, cuddling, holding hands, kittens & cats, puppies & dogs, pirates, music, acting, musical theatre, drama, movies, babies, lava lamps, snooze buttons, accessories, hats, shopping, paydays, shoes and boots, dancing, dizzy dancing, making snowmen, board games, MSN, shiny objects, candles, trampolines, romance novels, cologne, bowling, mini golfing, autumn leaves, lipstick & lipgloss, sleepovers, big screen TVs, dinner by candlelight, haircuts, weddings, birthday parties, bridges, roasting marshmallows, smores, campfires, camping, beaches, soda pop, thanksgiving dinner, FOOD, card games, class spares, Dance - salsa, tango, music, blank pages, acing tests, burps, black & white pictures, pillow fights, sledding, ice cream sandwiches, rainbows, poodle skirts, exercising, monkeys, archie comics, clear skin, lunch dates, window shopping, smell of spring, slippers, physics class (really?!?! I think it was my teacher), "boring" testimonies, fancy hotel rooms, surround sound, baking cookies, Mike's (my youth pastor) bad drawings, the picture of me in Jesus' palm - safe and sound, kisses, wildflowers, apple pie, cheesecake

Wow, that was a long list. Some of those things are definitely outdated, but they applied at the time. I think if I were to write a happy list again, less than half of those things would still be on there. Maybe I'll have to do that...maybe for my 50th post, which I noticed is coming up soon!

Rants About Nothing

To be honest, I probably shouldn't be on the computer at all. But when you are studying, you inevitably come to a point where your brain says "enough!" I have two exams tomorrow, I'm not ready for them, and Thursday is "TV night"...and here I am, on the computer again. At least it isn't gorgeous weather today, like it has been all week. It's funny really, Southern Alberta got snow, and we got +30C. I even managed to burn my shoulders already. Speaking of gorgeous weather, we really could use some rain to help the grass and trees turn completely green. So far, only the grass has begun greening, but its too dry. Anyways, yesterday I went in to school early for my exam, just so I could sit outside in "Quad" to study. Quad is just a big open grassy space between buildings. On a nice day, there are more students out there than there is grass. Haha. I have three exams left, two tomorrow and one on Tuesday. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but the only thing trudging towards that light is that ticking clock in the background. Of course, I can't wait to be done, but I can't be done until I write these exams...which I should be studying for right now. My brain is so fried already, I don't know how I am ever going to make it. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. Think about summer, think about camping, think about the beach...ouch, sunburn; think about green grass and frisbee...think about anything but your procrastination. There really isn't anything else interesting going on in my life right now. Studying is my normal, until next Tuesday. I sleep in, eat breakfast, study, eat lunch, study, eat supper, study, sing songs about going crazy, and go back to bed. Yep, that's what a normal study day looks like for me! "I am slowly going crazy, 1-2-3-4-5-6 Switch! Slowly going am I crazy, 6-5-4-3-2-1 Switch!" Coming to terms with the fact that I really shouldn't be on the computer, this is me signing off until next time. And this is you realizing, that you have, indeed, wasted a whole 5 minutes reading my rants about nothing. But you probably have a smile twitching at the corner of your mouth.

Cortona, Italy

I may have mentioned in a previous post somewhere, that I had a desire to do a semester of school abroad. When I backpacked Europe with Colette last May, I fell in love with Italy. I fell in love with every place that we went, but specifically Italy. The University of Alberta offers a study abroad program in Cortona, Italy, and since I had a few arts options to complete for my degree, I applied to go. Well I got accepted! The above picture is of a little hillside town approximately halfway between Rome and Florence called Cortona. This is where I will be spending winter in 2011. So prepare yourselves, because Cobblestone Chronicles will be revived as I embark on this exciting journey!

Marine Animals

I've decided that when I secure a teaching position as a high school biology teacher, I am going to have a "touch tank". And a saltwater aquarium at my house. Allow me to explain! I am taking a zoology course on invertebrates this semester, and I've discovered a passion for echinoderms! Echinoderms = starfish, brittle stars and sea urchins (among other creatures). They are just so cool! We have a touch tank in our lab, and I'm pretty sure I spend a solid 20 minute holding and playing with a sea urchin. When you hold it in the palm of your hand it starts waving its little spines all over the place, and slowly tries to escape. Brittle stars, when antagonized, can lose an arm and regenerate it in a matter of weeks-months. Starfish, as slow as they are, as voracious predators. They have slowly consumed almost all the mussels, barnacles and crabs in our tank. Here are some pictures of some creatures I DEFINITELY need to own (either in the touch tank, my own aquarium, or both).

Sea Urchins

Brittle Star

Starfish - see the difference from the brittle star above?

I'm so excited! I just love this class, even the dissections are cool! The creatures are all so unique and fun! Anyways, thats all for now. Ciao!

Mid-Semester Blahs

I'm in the season between reading week and the beginning of summer holidays. It's the hardest part of the entire school year. The majority of campus gets the blues and every day feels, well blah. I'm trying to keep motivated and trudge through with the homework and studying but it's hard.

As a byproduct of the mid-semesters blahs, I'm feeling a little emotional. Not sure what I'm feeling emotional about though. Maybe it's also a byproduct of the lack of socialization that comes along with forcing yourself to be somewhat diligent. I'm lonely. I'm stuck at home on a friday night, studying here and there, and wandering around this empty house the rest of the time. I would so much rather be elsewhere. (It doesn't help that Marmot Basin just got 20cm of snow.)

Below is my new favourite song. Download it! It is beautiful, and I could listen to it over and over again. I wouldn't say that it describes me - although I definitely know the pain expressed in this song. I think the line that I relate to is "I'm all alone and I need you now." I don't have anyone in specific that I need, but I'm all alone and lonely.

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor

Reaching for the phone, 'cause I can't fight it anymore

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one

I'm all alone and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control

And I need you now

I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door

Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time

It a quarter after one

I'm a little drunk and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control

And I need you now

I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one

I'm all alone and I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk

And I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

Maybe, after all.

I think maybe there IS purpose to my pain after all. I remember right after Jordan called off our engagement, suddenly there were all these people around me who had gone through the same thing I did, telling me I'd make it through. I had no idea that these people had been engaged before finding the love of their life. Who knew? Here I thought I was the only one. Regardless, it was still hard. I was angry at God for letting me suffer. Why should I have to endure such pain? To me, it wasn't fair. I was also told regularly, that maybe someday I could use my experiences to help someone else.

Well I think that time has come sooner than expected. I mean, I'm still healing! How could I possibly help someone else already? A girl I work with was recently dumped by her long time boyfriend, because he said he "didn't love her anymore." She's crushed, and is clearly still very much in love with him. The two of us had a long heartfelt chat about the healing process. She sees me, knows my story, and sees hope. She sees that she can and will make it through. I left work both sad and hurting for her, and happy that my suffering was not futile. I think this is the first of many times I will re-live my experience for someone else's benefit - and I'm glad.

There IS hope, and there IS purpose to my pain. I will be okay, and I will be able to help others move forward because of it. Thank you Lord.

Cleaning My Room

It doesn't take long for my room to get totally trashed, and then it takes so long to get it clean again. Couldn't it be the other way around? Anyways, this has been a long time coming - I started this "project" almost two weeks ago. In that time it got partially clean, totally trashed again, and finally cleaned all the way. Even vacuumed! Wonder how long it will last...

Before:

After:

Thoughts

A woman's heart

should be so

lost in God

that a man

has to seek Him

in order to find her

Congratulations

I need to put out a note of congratulations. My close friend Stephanie May got engaged to her boyfriend (now fiance) Chad Vandermeulen this morning! He got up in front of the entire church family to get down on one knee - on Valentines Day! So romantic! Congratulations you two - and God Bless in your planning!

Not Yet My Child

Weddings are everywhere. There are friends getting married, strangers getting married, even people just trying to find the right person to marry. But do you want to know what I've discovered is hardest out of them all?

Watching people younger than me get married.

Watching people younger than me marry their high school sweetheart.

Watching people younger than me go down the same path I did - but have it work out for them, and NOT end in a giant mess.

Don't get me wrong, I would NEVER wish my pain on someone else, but I see that and realize that it was almost me. Not necessarily that it should have been me. Well okay, it should have been me. But mostly that it was almost me.

I sit in church and scope out the crowd for eligible bachelors somewhere near my age. And then I look up and ask "when is it going to be my turn?" Do you know what I hear?

"Not yet my child. You are not ready yet."

Girls Night...In

Instead of heading out for the night, Colin and I decided that we'd like to chill at home and have a "girls night" together. Hardly a girls night when it's the two of us - but he insisted that it was a girls night anyways. We had perogies and bacon for supper, ice cream for dessert, ate popcorn for a snack 10 minutes later and watched Forrest Gump, and The Wedding Singer. All in all, I'd say it was a successful evening!

I am exhausted though, there is something about letting yourself lack in sleep for a while that makes it nearly impossible to ever catch up again. Oh wait, I know what that is...it's called university. Who's dumb idea was that anyways?

Whitefish Weekend

Wow, what a weekend. Colette, Michael, Ryan (Michael's friend) and I went with a group called Downhill Riders to Whitefish, Montana this past weekend for some killer snowboarding. Just what I needed, despite being behind on homework as a result. It was a blast to get away and try a new mountain that is too far away to do a day trip. Also, it was a lot of fun to go with a group of strangers and make some new friends. The bus ride down was a big party, and the bus ride back was... slightly more restful. Here's some pictures of our adventure:

Aren't we cute?

We must have been a ways up, we passed through clouds to get to the summit

The trees were just coated in snow - regardless of the amount of powder lying on the runs

Happy place...

Drool...

New!

I thought that perhaps it was time for an updated look for my blog...and ta da!! What do you think?

Please Pray

Things got hard again. I understand the whole cycling emotions thing, but recently, things got hard again. Last night was College & Career with the Devonians (instead of the people at Ellerslie Baptist), and it is mostly couples...plus me. I'm getting better at still enjoying myself around people who are quite obviously in love, but inevitably the conversation turns to relationships at some point. I can only take so much before I am ready to go home and crawl into a corner all by myself. So if you could pray...for peace and for continued healing... that would be much appreciated. Thank you.

A Day in the Life of...

I was at work last night, and thought up what (in my opinion - obviously) would be a cool blog post. You may or may not know, that to fund my way through school, I work as a lifeguard/instructor at the Leduc Recreation Center Mix Family Aquatic Center. A mouthful - I know. We just call it LRC, or the M-FAC. So what does a lifeguard do? Besides standing on deck and yelling at patrons anytime they come up with something 'fun' to do. Well...that's not really what we're doing - we ARE trying to keep you safe. It just so happens that most fun things are 'unsafe' and thus a potential water rescue. We don't actually enjoy jumping in after you...just so that you are aware. It is true though, that we don't do a lot while on shift - we are paid for what we know, not for what we do. But here's a typical shift at work for me:

• A rotation is the amount of time spent at each guard position, followed by a period of off-deck time. The number of guard positions at any given time are determined by the number of patrons in the pool, and the off-deck time is determined by the number of guard positions, and the number of staff on shift. The amount of time at each position is typically 15 minutes. For example, if there are 5 people on shift, and we have between 10 and 75 people using the pool, we are at two guards. This means that we are on deck for 30 minutes, and off deck for 45 minutes.
• On deck time is spent - watching you swim! Sometimes there are adorable toddlers that get really excited in the water. Other things I typically deal with on deck: parents not supervising their under 6-year-olds, young teenagers deliberately breaking rules (such as multiples down the slide, head first down the slide, etc.) just to irritate us, young teenage couples making out in the corner, adults that think they have 'outgrown' rules, and much more...
• Off deck time is not spent sitting around....well not for the whole 45 minutes anyways. Sometimes we only have 15 minutes off deck, and we are more likely to relax for this period of time. We have a maintenance list - cleaning windows, disinfecting, checking for damage, etc. Little things that need to be done so the place stays nice.
• We used to have to clean the changerooms at night - but we're hired a custodial crew to do that for us. YAY!!! (Do you realize how gross those get?!)
• I've been working at the MFAC for 3 years, and in this time period I've jumped in the water twice. Perspective? Paid for what we can do (know), not for what we actually do.
• I'm also a supervisor - so I get to boss around everyone else. Kidding. Sometimes I have to...request...that things get done though. As a supervisor I'm also in charge of maintaining water chemistry and ensuring the pool is safe and running smoothly. I have to keep it in running order!

The Triangle Problem

Adding to what I said last post about being really happy with where my life is at the moment, highlighting on the friends aspect. I have a best friend, and a really good guy friend, and the three of us make a triangle. The problem with a triangle is that sometimes, three's a crowd. The difference between two people making decisions, and three people making decisions, is that the opportunity for harmony decreases. Let me explain. When two people make decisions together, they really only have to consider the other person's opinion, and eventually they learn what makes the other person tick, etc. Harmonic decision making is possible. When there are three people making decisions together, what often happens is two people come to one conclusion, while the third comes to another. Easy solution - majority rules. But that isn't really considering what that third person had to say. The problem of a triangle is that one person becomes the third wheel. In our case, the "third wheel" changes with each individual event...and at the moment, I feel like the third wheel.

I'm the youngest of the triangle, I live the most out of the way, and I've known the other two for the shortest period of time. I have the most deviant values/ideas from the other two, and have different short term goals (they are both graduating next year, while I have 2.5 years left after this semester). Sometimes, I just feel left out. We're usually pretty good about including each other in everything - but when things come down to a decision, sometimes they just tell me how things are and what's going to happen.

So, I'm frustrated. I'm sure it will all wash over, but it still sucks.

Update

I realized that I hadn't posted in a while, and figured perhaps it was time for an update! There isn't a whole lot new going on in my life. But perhaps what isn't new to me, may still be of interest to you! I started the winter semester of school last week, and so far my conclusions are as follows: school is going to kick my butt - badly! I picked some hard ones this semester, so I guess that means a lot of time spent in the books! Here is what I'm taking this semester:

1. Zoology 250 - Survey of Invertebrates (basically a class on worms, crustaceans, etc.)
2. Biochemistry 200
3. Microbiology 265
4. Biology 361 - Marine Science
5. Education Policy Studies 360 - Society and Education

Oh goody!! For those classes that I didn't put a title on, I think you can derive it's contents on your own. Besides school, I'm cramming in as much work as I can. I'm broke as broke can be....so I have to take any opportunities to work as I can.

And that leaves the social life. Whenever I'm not at school, work, or studying, I'm usually with Michael and/or Colette. Together, we make up a triangle. The Three Stooges! And no, I am not dating Michael (and neither is Colette for that matter). I feel the need to clarify this because we get asked that a lot. We're just good friends, and we feel very comfortable around each other. Colette and I spend time scrapbooking our Europe adventure, the three of us spend time snowboarding, having movie marathons, going to movies, playing pool, etc. Despite the hurt and the healing I'm dealing with in the background, I am happy with my life right now.