Music

Well that last post was a little bit spiteful. Not my usual lets tell a story vibe! That is okay, sometimes thats how I feel and I just need to get it out. I needed to tell someone, and my blog is handy for that! Anyways, I'm sitting here waiting to go to church, listening to my most recent playlist on iTunes, and thought I'd share with you my favourite songs of the moment. I'll give you the titles, maybe a line or two, but I encourage you to download them and give them a listen!

Outside - Staind

"I'm on the outside. I'm looking in. I can see through you, see your true colours."

Sleep Alone - Bat for Lashes

This one is just really cool musically.

You - Breaking Benjamin

"Promise me you'll try, to leave it all behind. 'Cause I've elected help, lying to myself."

Masterpiece Theatre Pt 3 - Marianas Trench

An awesome mix of several songs from their latest cd.

Help I'm Alive - Metric

"Can you hear my heart beating like a hammer?"

Forever - Papa Roach

"Because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever. One last kiss before I go - it is time to let you go."

Crushcrushcrush - Paramore

"Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone."

Swing Life Away - Rise Against

"I'll show you mine, if you show me yours first. Lets compare scars and I'll tell you who's is worse." "Lets live on front porches and swing life away."

Anti-Venom - USS (Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker)

"You make music in my heart I beat to, you make music in my heart a dance to."

Angry

I've noticed that, even as time goes on, I'm consistently angry. At Jordan, and the vast majority of his immediate family. For little things and big things and well, just everything having to do with them. Its poisonous! I want to stop being angry and just MOVE ON already! I want to take my own advice and just get over it - because he certainly has. I just hate him so much!

If you want to know - this trigger has to do with facebook. Does anyone else besides me find it extremely immature when your ex (who - might I mention - was your boyfriend for three YEARS and then your FIANCE?!?!), and his father and brother, delete you as a friend from facebook. One of the above even blocked me! Like seriously? Grow up!

So please, pray for me. Help me to get this poison out of my life and let God heal me. He's the only one who can.

Searching

A few months ago, my family and I decided we needed to take a break from attending the church that we've attended for the past 5 years. It was a personal decision - with all the issues between Jordan and I, and with our general feeling of unrest. The church was lacking in: the opportunity for my parents to be involved in a worship team, and a solid College & Career base. It has a youth group, and it has a lot of people we have come to know and love. But we weren't worshipping there anymore. It was just a place to go on Sunday, and that's not what church is meant to be! I know for me, I just didn't want to go at all. Walking through those doors put me on edge, and I would be tense and angry through the entire service - NOT conducive to growing close to God. So we left, and sometimes that is something you need to do.

Since then, we have been searching for a church that fills our family's current needs, and for a place where we belong as a family. We've tried about three churches since then; the first one my parents really liked, and we knew some people that attended there already. But again, it was lacking in a College & Career group. In fact, I think I was the only person my age in the entire building. Next we tried Beulah Alliance - a huge church. It was a cool experience, but without persistent effort to get yourself involved, there was no opportunity for meaningful relationships. Now we've arrived at Ellerslie Baptist. I like it there, which is odd for me, because I have been generally guarded and hesitant about church in general. It has a good youth group, a thriving C&C (I even knew one of the girls that attended already), and a wide variety of age groups. The late morning service is filled with young adults and youth that, not only attend, but sit at the front. Just like the Pineridge days! I've attending their C&C group since then, and it is warm and welcoming, and they actually talk about God working in their lives in normal conversation - cool!!!

I have also been attending Devon's attempt at starting up a C&C group - it is filled with people I know. By filled I mean, there are two couples attending besides me. My problem lies within that last sentence. There are two couples attending besides me. I have a general distaste towards couples in general. Its just hard when you are single, and forcing yourself to be single, because you need to be. But you've been there. It sucks.

So we've been searching, and we continue to search. Perhaps we have found a place that we belong, but it will take a while to know for sure. Please, pray that we can find a place that our family just fits. A place where we all get the spiritual nourishment we've been craving.