Mid-Semester Blahs

I'm in the season between reading week and the beginning of summer holidays. It's the hardest part of the entire school year. The majority of campus gets the blues and every day feels, well blah. I'm trying to keep motivated and trudge through with the homework and studying but it's hard.

As a byproduct of the mid-semesters blahs, I'm feeling a little emotional. Not sure what I'm feeling emotional about though. Maybe it's also a byproduct of the lack of socialization that comes along with forcing yourself to be somewhat diligent. I'm lonely. I'm stuck at home on a friday night, studying here and there, and wandering around this empty house the rest of the time. I would so much rather be elsewhere. (It doesn't help that Marmot Basin just got 20cm of snow.)

Below is my new favourite song. Download it! It is beautiful, and I could listen to it over and over again. I wouldn't say that it describes me - although I definitely know the pain expressed in this song. I think the line that I relate to is "I'm all alone and I need you now." I don't have anyone in specific that I need, but I'm all alone and lonely.

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor

Reaching for the phone, 'cause I can't fight it anymore

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one

I'm all alone and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control

And I need you now

I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door

Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time

It a quarter after one

I'm a little drunk and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control

And I need you now

I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one

I'm all alone and I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk

And I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

Maybe, after all.

I think maybe there IS purpose to my pain after all. I remember right after Jordan called off our engagement, suddenly there were all these people around me who had gone through the same thing I did, telling me I'd make it through. I had no idea that these people had been engaged before finding the love of their life. Who knew? Here I thought I was the only one. Regardless, it was still hard. I was angry at God for letting me suffer. Why should I have to endure such pain? To me, it wasn't fair. I was also told regularly, that maybe someday I could use my experiences to help someone else.

Well I think that time has come sooner than expected. I mean, I'm still healing! How could I possibly help someone else already? A girl I work with was recently dumped by her long time boyfriend, because he said he "didn't love her anymore." She's crushed, and is clearly still very much in love with him. The two of us had a long heartfelt chat about the healing process. She sees me, knows my story, and sees hope. She sees that she can and will make it through. I left work both sad and hurting for her, and happy that my suffering was not futile. I think this is the first of many times I will re-live my experience for someone else's benefit - and I'm glad.

There IS hope, and there IS purpose to my pain. I will be okay, and I will be able to help others move forward because of it. Thank you Lord.