Contradictions

I think its a female thing. I was going to write a post on how stressed out I was; about little things and big things, silly things and important things. But then I realized that I'm not stressed out - I have a few stressful events that are occupying my thoughts, and I'm a little overtired. So I'm stressed but I'm not - and that itself sends me into a spiral of contradictory emotions. Eventually you're not even sure what you feel? Am I alone in this, am I being over dramatic, or is this really a female thing?

That's not really the point of today's post. What I was going to say - or rather complain about - has a little bit to do with school, and a little bit to do with things in my life I can't seem to get over.

School; I'm trying to finish registering for my courses second semester, but most of the courses I am interested in taking are either only offered first semester, or are scheduled for the same time that I have a different class scheduled for. Why didn't I plan this better? I might end up taking courses I wasn't sure I was interested in, or just only taking four courses total. The latter is less stressful in homework, but means I have to make up that course later on. I have a while before I need to be registered, but I'd like to have it figured out so I don't have to worry about it.

Other; Jordan. He hasn't said anything to me, I haven't had to see him, I should be okay right? Why can't I just move on? It has been a year since the breakup! I feel like I'm pathetic for still struggling with this. I wrote him a letter, saying my peace because I can't seem to get it out verbally. I don't know if I should give it to him or not, because it isn't going to make a difference anyways. I don't want him back - although I'm not sure who I'm trying to convince sometimes. I know more and more every day that he wasn't even my type. I don't even want a boyfriend; well not past the lovely cuddling-having-somebody-who-cares part.

He deleted me as a friend on facebook. His father (our senior church pastor) did too.. Personally, I think this is low. I mean, it shouldn't matter because I'm no longer friends with either of them. But for someone who doesn't even use facebook to sign on a year later to delete his ex-fiance?

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That is why I am stressed out. Here is why I am not:

I'm on top of my homework. In fact, I didn't do anything school-productive besides playing with second semester course registration tonight. I finished my assignment that is due Tuesday, last Tuesday. I'm on top of my notes, and I have midterms coming up that I can study for in a few days.

I have four adorable playful kittens that like to use me as a human jungle gym. They are totally tamed, and I love them.

Thanksgiving dinner is Monday - FOOD. Yay!!

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So here I am, back to square one. I am feeling contradictory.