Metaphors

I am a porcelain doll. Both physically and emotionally. My skin is a creamy white, never brown but never pasty. Porcelain. I am little and weak, I break easily. I pretend to be tough, but it doesn't take much to bring me down. I can't stand rejection. To be alone in a crowded room, even a crowded room of familiar faces, breaks me from the inside out. I like to feel nothing and I do my best to hide my true emotions.

I am a ticking time bomb. With a very short fuse. I explode quickly and violently. I care deeply and passionately, but I often hurt the ones I love. I get angry easily.

I am a kettle of boiling water. I simmer quietly and absorb hurt and pain, but boil over unexpectedly. By the time I boil over, I often forget why the kettle was turned on in the first place. I am prideful and I don't like people to see my pain. I have difficulty asking for help and I like to solve my own problems.

Round 2 with the hairbrush.

The note (see here) worked pretty good with two of my brothers. Well mostly with Branden. They all thought it was amusing, and I definitely saw an improvement. However, I was having a particular difficulty with simply helping Bryce remember. We would have a conversation, while he was brushing his hair, about putting the brush back in the drawer but by the time he finished he would have forgotten entirely. He says he has been remembering pretty good lately, so perhaps he's not the only one forgetting. Here is my new solution:

In case you can't tell what is happening in the above picture, I'll explain. That is my bathroom mirror + my re-discovery of window writers. "Dear Bryce, here is an illustration to help aid your understanding."

Anticipation (Pt. II)

I am anticipating my first kiss.

But not my first kiss ever.

Because I've already had that.

I am anticipating my first kiss.

My first kiss

With the man I am going to spend

The rest of my life with.

I won't know it then.

But that first kiss will be

The beginning to a lifetime.

Forever

It feels like it has been forever since I last posted, but I don't think I have anything to say. Maybe that's okay...

But in the name of doing a blog post anyways, here is a brief update on the happenings around here:

• I'm still working evenings at the pool, and I'm getting lonely. I see people at work, but that isn't the same as hanging out with friends and family and doing what you want to do
• I'm re-modeling my room. Well not totally. I'm spring cleaning, packing things into boxes that don't need to be in my crowded and cluttered room. And I'm moving furniture around to give it a new look.
• I got a second job at the outdoor pool in Leduc, but do to mechanical problems at the pool, I haven't actually started working yet.
• I'm considering becoming a PartyLite consultant. This would be a big step for me, and it makes me nervous. But it is really appealing, so I guess we'll wait and see.

And...that's all I got for now.

Epiphanies and the Subconscious

I was having a bit of an off-day today. It was just one of those days where I felt overtired, and in sort of the mood to sit in a corner all by myself and just sulk. I hate those days. I just feel so powerless to do anything about it. But I had an epiphany at work, amidst my sulking. Here it is: some people I met at one of the churches we tried, got engaged recently. They hadn't been dating long, but they are wonderful people. I also have no doubt from an outsiders perspective that they are perfect for each other. But something happens in my subconscious when I hear this sort of news...it just sets the day off on the wrong foot. It leaves me lonely and exhausted. I don't know what it is about hearing that other people have found their soulmate, but it makes me sad rather than happy. Happy for them, of course...but sad. In this moment, all I can really think of is that Michael Buble song on the radio right now: "Haven't met you yet". And so it is...I just haven't met him yet. But I have faith that he is out there, that I'm not allowed to meet him until both of us are ready, and that when we do meet...it will be amazing.

Oh where...is my hairbrush?

Hi, my name is Suzette. I am a hairbrush. I like to come out and explore the world outside the drawer. But I've discovered the world is a scary place, with your tools to burn hair into submission so that it hangs straight. *shudder* Or those powders and brushes that make a girls face look like a painted doll. But worst of all is what you do with that porcelain bowl. I don't want to know, see, or smell that. Nasty, disgusting stuff that is. So please, I beg of you, after you've taken me out to play, return me to my warm, safe drawer. Thank-you.

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Disclaimers note:

This is what happens after many failed attempts to remind the other users of my bathroom to put the hairbrush back in the drawer after they use it, rather than leaving it on the counter.

Update

You know how sometimes you really just don't know what to write about, and other times the words just flow like water? Can you guess where I'm at right now? I left you last time with a foul taste in your mouth as an idea for what my job can sometimes entail. I do feel the need to comment on how that is NOT my experience at work every day. Only once in a while - but it sure does leave an impact! Other days at work, such as ones where I spend a few hours in the water teaching swimming lessons, are great. Swimming lessons is: a half an hour with a bunch of kids that aren't yours, that will play with you, laugh with you, have a grand ol' time; and then you give them back. You sure get some cute little 5 year olds. Teaching is a rewarding experience, it really is. Over the years you get to see kids progress from learning to float, to learning the front crawl. With that said, teaching can be exhausting. You also deal with parents expecting you to work a miracle, and having a temper tantrum when you let them down. I guess this is a preview for when I finish university and go back to high school as a full time career. Can't wait!...?...!!

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On a completely different note, I got my final acceptance to Cortona! I handed in the necessary forms, paid my deposit, and am now registered in my courses! Here's what I am taking:

Topics in Roman Civilization: The Roman City

The Roman city was the symbol of the Roman Empire, of the diverse cultures and lands that the Romans conquered. Wherever the Romans conquered, they established cities. Modern cities are the legacy of the Roman city. The Roman city was a stamp of solidarity, unifying cultures and where Roman rule, law and institutions were honoured. The course concentrates on understanding how the Roman city developed. The evolution of the Roman city includes not just the physical layout and the architecture of the city, but also the institutions that public buildings housed and the private residences. Rome, Ostia and Pompeii are the focus of the study.

Topics in Roman Art: The Power of Beauty

A study of the way in which Greek art influenced the Roman world, particularly at the highest social levels. We will concentrate on architecture, painting and sculpture, and three central themes that we will explore are: a) Greek Italy: Greek art produced in Southern Italy and Sicily and its influence on the Etruscans and indigenous populations; b) Greece conquers Rome: a study of Greek art in Rome, copies vs originals, and the use of 'classicism'; c) Nostalgia for Greece: ancient works in new contexts, ancient and modern.

Conversational Italian

An introduction to Italian designed for non-native speakers who do not require the intensive study of grammar to complete degree requirements. This course will give you the basic skills to communicate effectively in your daily interactions and travel across Italy.

I am so unbelievably excited. Now to arrange the proper paperwork, travel arrangements, etc. Eeeek! So excited!