Life as we know it

Realizing that yet again I've neglected to keep you updated on the happenings around my side of the world...

Reasoning for this? I'm surprisingly busy! I don't know how I do this, but my plate is FULL this semester! First off, I'm doing my first practicum - called my IPT. This involves a condensed semester at the University, with interrelated assignments and endless readings, followed by a 5 week term in a high school placement. Whew!

Secondly, I have signed up as a PartyLite consultant and it's a bit hectic getting that business onto it's feet! I do enjoy it though, it is so flexible! As Rachael likes to put it, I'm getting paid to show off amazing product, meet new people and eat good food!

Third, I'm still working as a lifeguard at the LRC. Lifeguarding and teaching lessons - routine and easy. I love the people I work with and I love my job. Most days. All jobs have their ups and downs, and I'm always grateful that I have the job I do.

Fourth! I'm preparing to go to Italy next semester! There are a lot of preparations involved for studying overseas, and part of that is ensuring that my finances are in order. I can't wait to explore Europe again and immerse myself in the culture! I really hope to begin to gain an understanding of the Italian language as well. Preparations include: student loans, flights, orientation sessions, student visa applications, travel insurance, etc...

Lastly (but certainly not least important), I've been getting to know someone. This relationship has indeed taken off and I'm enjoying every minute of it! However, I'm not going to dish details all over my blog...but I thought I would insert that tidbit of information as it pertains to my busy life.

It is always hard to get back into the routine of a new semester at school, but once that routine is figured out it's much less stressful. Now it's making sure I have time for everything I have to do, and then things that I want to do. Wouldn't life be easier if those were the same things?

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On a completely different note, I'm planning to have an appetizer party for my 21st birthday with (hopefully) lots of people. But I need some more ideas for appetizers! Already on my list: Thai Ribs, Spinach & Artichoke dip, Chocolate Fondue (dessert), Stuffed baked potatoes, chili con queso, maybe wings....

Any other ideas? What is your all-time favourite appetizer?

Courtesy of Starfield

Hold me, somebody

Don't let me be alone

Love me, stay with me

I am dying to be known

My heart cries out

I need a Father

Who's love will never fail me

A friend like no other

Who's trusted arms will hold me

I need a Father

I am wounded

But I took the pain away

Free me, hear me

I don't want to be afraid

My heart cries out

I need a Father

Who's love will never fail me

A friend like no other

Who's trusted arms will hold me

Here's my heart

Be tender please

Let me know your love for me

Here's my heart

I'm on my knees

I will trust, 'cause I believe

You are my Father

Your love will never fail me

A friend like no other

Your trusted arms will hold me

You are my Father

I need a Father - Starfield

1 Peter 5: 5-10

When we go camping as a family we each try to pick a passage of scripture that means something to us and then memorize it. Now, I managed to find something that really spoke to me relating to where I am in my life. However, I can not say that I got it memorized. In any case, I thought I would share it with you now.

You younger men, accept the authority of the elders. And all of you, serve each other in humility, for

"God sets himself against the proud

but he shows favour to the humble."

So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in his good time he will honour you. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you. Be careful! Watch out for attacks from the Devil, your great enemy. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for some victim to devour. Take a firm stand against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are. In his kindness God called you to his eternal glory by means of Jesus Christ. After you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.

Dying to Self

I am still reading a book called "Healing is a Choice" by Stephen Arterburn. It has been a slow read because it has 10 decisions that I have to make along the journey. These decisions each take time - the healing process. Each decision is accompanied by a "big lie" that Satan gives us. The first decision was to make meaningful connections. (The lie was that we only needed ourselves and God). This one was hard for me because I've built up barriers to the world in an effort to protect myself. Even once I'd decided I wanted meaningful connections, I didn't know where to go or who to turn to. So I started with my Mom. I told her everything, things she knew and things she didn't. That was hard, but freeing. Since then I have been praying for God to help me make meaningful connections.

Secondly, I needed to make the decision to feel the pain. Remarkably, I had done this before. This was not a new concept, but then I realized that I'm hurting less over J, and more over M. So again, this is an ongoing process. The lie here is that "Real Christians should have real peace in all circumstances." Every Sunday our Pastor makes an invitation to the alter for prayer at the end of his sermon. I had felt the urge to go up a few times, but never found the courage to step forward. A few Sundays ago I felt the pull very strongly and went up. What a freeing feeling to share your pain and know you are prayed for!

I am still in the chapter of this second decision, and I've come across another concept that isn't all that new. Dying to Self: being willing to be uncomfortable for the good of others and the purposes of God. For the purposes of God. Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" (NLT) God has an amazing plan for my life, and when I let him take the wheel I can start to see evidence of that all around me.

So I am making the choice to heal, because I can hardly wait for what God has in store!

Same old, same old

I've got writers block. Well sort of. I've got things on my mind but I don't know how to articulate them onto here, or even if I should. I haven't blogged in ages, and I feel bad because I check back almost daily to see if any of you guys have updated your blogs. The other problem is that there really isn't anything new in my life! I get asked that question anytime I catch up with an old friend, or work with someone I haven't seen in a while. Even then I have no solid answer. "Oh you know, same old same old." The funny part is how true that is. But I want to blog. I want to tell you something new and exciting, or even give you a window into our lives. So lets see if I can muster up some news.

My good friend Stephanie May got married to her brave warrior Chad Vandermeulen this past Saturday. Engagement announcement here. They are just the beginning of many friends my age getting married, and I will still be single. Which is okay, I want to wait for my perfect match as patiently as possible.

Only a month left before I go back to school. Doing my first in class practicum this semester and I am really quite nervous. Sad that summer is almost over, but yet excited to change up the daily routine again.

I officially joined PartyLite as a consultant, and am slowly trying to build my business. It's exciting and frustrating all at the same time.

Getting excited for Cortona in January! The remainder of preparations won't happen until October or later, but I think I have the money portion prepared. Mom and I have also been planning (and dreaming) about our three week trip together after my semester is done. Right now it looks like we're doing London, Italy, Czech (Prague), Austria (Vienna), maybe Greece, maybe Turkey, maybe Germany. We're stuck between seeing as much as possible, and allowing time to spend extra days in our favourites.

There are other things going on in my life, but I'm not ready to blog about them at this point. If the timing becomes appropriate, you will know. If not, consider it unimportant. Funny though, I came up with more to talk about than I expected. Interesting how that sometimes happens isn't it?

Kittens make my world go round

I could sit outside for hours watching these guys play. Best part of Spring/Summer by far. The remarkable part of this year is watching how quickly they grow - and being able to see the difference each time a new batch of babies are born. I remember when the first batch was the size of the third batch. My how time flies.

On a side note, the last time I posted about kittens was last summer - when Ebony and Charlie were babies. Now they each have their own litter of kittens.

Flashback

I've been hesitant to share this, but after thinking about it for a few days...here it is. I found this on a loose piece of paper at the back of my journal. It is undated, but gathering from the contents, this was from shortly before my engagement ended. This reminds me how far I have come in the last two years, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like I've progressed at all.

Wide awake and miserable. Unable to cry, unable to rest. My weary heart wants to give in. Wanting two things, but knowing I can only have one. Knowing that to have one means to sacrifice the other, and yet unable to do so. Searching for answers and finding none. Alone, not quite at rock bottom, so unable to heal. Afraid that the perceived "right" isn't so right. Afraid to lose what the heart truly desires, but unsure exactly what that is. Afraid to confess any emotions for fear of rejection, but knowing no progress will come. Exhausted but unable to sleep. Wanting to tell him that his presence is intoxicating. Unable to do so because he is not my betrothed. Wanting to find rest in his arms, but unwilling to sacrifice integrity. Wanting to belong, but already given away. Calling for help with no response. Wishing for a straight answer and some relief. Wanting to know if I am truly alone in my turmoil. Wanting to know if he suffers the same. Afraid to lose. Afraid to be judged. Afraid to inflict pain on another. Desperately seeking peace. Frustrated that answers are wolves in sheep's clothing. Questions disguised as answers. Insecurity. Desperation. Weak from submission. Weak from resisting total submission. Why can't there be a break in the clouds?